Question Time

RECENT QUESTIONS:

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE WOOLLY MAMMOTHS?

• THE ONLY REASON WE KNOW WOOLLY MAMMOTHS EVER EXISTED IS BECAUSE THEY APPEARED IN THE MOVIE "ICE AGE." IF THEY DIDN'T EXIST THEY WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO CAST THE PARTS

• AFTER THE MOVIE "ICE AGE" WENT TO VHS, WOOLLY MAMMOTHS WERE EMBARRASSED. TO HIDE FROM THEIR FEARS, THEY WENT TO A SECRET UNDERGROUND CITY CALLED THE CITY OF MAMMOTHS. AS OF NOW THERE ARE NO VISIBLE WOOLLY MAMMOTHS

• ANSWER: THEY'RE HIDING IN THE CITY OF MAMMOTHS

  • REQUESTED BY JAMES

WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO SURVIVE A MINNESOTAN WINTER?

• I WOULD PERSONALLY RECOMMEND NOT GOING TO MINNESOTA IN THE FIRST PLACE, BUT THERE ARE SOME SECRET TIPS IF YOU DO VENTURE TO THE GREAT WHITE NORTH

• CARRY A MICROWAVE WITH YOU SO YOU CAN MELT THE SNOW USING THE MICROWAVE'S RADIATION

• ALWAYS KNOW YOUR COFFEE SHOPS. COFFEE IS KEY TO SURVIVAL, WHICH MEANS YOU MUST ALWAYS KNOW THE NEAREST COFFEE SHOP

• TRAVEL IN FLOCKS

• ANSWER: DON'T GO TO MINNESOTA IN THE WINTER

  • REQUESTED BY AMY

WHAT'S IT LIKE BEING A FRAT BOI?

• BEING A FRAT BOI IS ACTUALLY NOTHING SPECIAL. IT'S ESSENTIALLY THE SAME THING AS PAYING AN ADMISSION TO GO INSIDE YOUR HOUSE. I WILL TELL YOU THIS THOUGH, US FRAT BOIS DO GRILL NICE BRATS (WHICH RHYMES WITH FRAT!)

• ANSWER: EHH

  • REQUESTED BY GARETH AND XANDER

IS IT COLD LIKE MINNESOTA?

• GIVEN BY THE LACK OF CLARITY IN THIS QUESTION, I AM NOT CERTAIN WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. GIVEN THAT IT IS ALMOST DECEMBER AND THAT DECEMBER IS GENERALIZED WITH COLDNESS, AND MINNESOTA IS COLD 90% OF THE TIME, I WOULD SAY YES

• ANSWER: INDUBIDIBLY

  • REQUESTED BY CLAIRE

PAST QUESTIONS:

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON MINNESOTA WINTERS?

• WHEN YOU VISIT MINNESOTA IT'S HARD TO DETERMINE WHAT SEASON IT IS. THE SUMMER FEELS LIKE WINTER, THE FALL FEELS LIKE WINTER, THE SPRING FEELS LIKE WINTER, AND THE WINTER FEELS LIKE A CANADIAN WINTER IN THE SUMMER. BECAUSE OF THIS, IT'S HARD TO HAVE A THOUGHT ON THE MINNESOTA WINTERS WHEN IT'S ALWAYS WINTER IN MINNESOTA

• ANSWER: I WOULD PREFER A FLORIDA WINTER IF THAT ANSWERS THE QUESTION

  • REQUESTED BY AMY

I DON'T LIKE THAT YOU'RE LYING ABOUT ME. I DIDN'T REQUEST ANYTHING

• UNFORTUNATELY YOU DID REQUEST A QUESTION. ACCORDING TO OUR DATA BASE, YOU REQUESTED THE TOPIC IN 1985. IF YOU STILL BELIEVE THAT YOU DID NOT SUBMIT A TOPIC, SOMEONE MAY OF STOLE YOUR NAME AND WROTE IT ON THEIR BIRTH CERTIFICATE

• ANSWER: YOU PROBABLY HIT THE SUBMIT BUTTON AND FORGOT ABOUT IT

  • REQUESTED BY WALTER

WHAT IS TYLER'S TWO FAVORITE TYPES OF SEASONINGS USED WHEN COOKING?

• ACCORDING TO AN ARTICLE FOUND IN THE READERS DIGESTIVE SYSTEM (A LOCAL NEWSPAPER) TYLER ENJOYS COOKING WITH A VARIETY OF SEASONINGS. IF WE CALCULATE THE NUMBER OF SEASONINGS AND DIVIDE IT BY THE SQUARE ROOT OF CAKE, WE FIND THAT TYLER HAS TWO FAVORITE SEASONINGS, KNOWN AS THE SEASONING AND THE SPECIAL SEASONING

• ANSWER: THE SEASONING AND THE SPECIAL SEASONING

  • REQUESTED BY BILL