The Origins of the Vinyl Record (Saturday, July 15, 2017)

We all know that Cass and Ette invented the cassette tape, and that Tra and Ack invented the 8 Track, and we also know that they used vinyl records to create these inventions. But no one has ever been told, the origins of the vinyl record, until today.

It was a dark and stormy Monday morning in the exact center of Great Britain, and a man named Re Cord had no friends. This was no surprise to Re Cord, because ever since he was a child, he had no friends. In fact, when he was born, the doctor didn't even show up. But like most lonely kids who have no friends and live in the exact center of Great Britain, they become Billionaires. To achieve his dream of being a Billionaire, he decided to create the best way to listen to music using a vinyl place mat, a knife, a couple two by fours, a needle, black spray paint, an industrial sized motor, 3 chain belts, 1 metal rod, and some high quality nails. First, Re Cord cut a circle out of the place mat. Next, Re Cord engraved the song using his knife into the vinyl place mat. Re Cord called this disk a Vinyl Re Cord, which would be played on a Re Cord Player. Using the remaining materials, he constructed the Re Cord Player. The first Vinyl Re Cord consisted of British Travelator Music (AKA British Moving Walkway Music) and crumpets frying in the background. To his surprise, Vinyl Re Cords were a hit and they were given the Quality of Music award by Chicken and a Biscuit. That same year the crumpet stock market exploded.

Fake History   

    -Tyler Johnson