How to Roast the Best Five Star Marshmallow (Wednesday, August 8, 2017)

• • • Last week we gave you 5 Campfire Tips for the average mediocre camper, but we left out How to Roast the Best Five Star Marshmallow. After countless hours of contemplating whether or not to tell you How to Roast the Best Five Star Marshmallow, we decided we should tell you. Now sit back (while retaining good posture) and attempt to relax (while retaining good posture) as we give you the secret instructions on How to Roast the Best Five Star Marshmallow. STEP 1: Find STEP 2

    • STEP 2: Open the bag of Marshmallows with the Child Friendly Chainsaw included with your Marshmallow Starter Pack

    • STEP 3: Using the Child Friendly Chainsaw, cut down a decent sized endangered tree

    • STEP 4: In your Marshmallow Starter Pack, there should be an Industrial Nail Filer. Using this, carve out a Telescoping Marshmallow Roasting Stick

    • STEP 5: Place one individual Marshmallow on the Telescoping Marshmallow Roasting Stick you got from the decent sized endangered tree

    • STEP 6: Hold the Marshmallow over the fire for exactly 183.4 Seconds while rotating it at a constant .3 meters per second

    • STEP 7: Remove Marshmallow from the Telescoping Marshmallow Roasting Stick with your Signature Marshmallow Removal Gloves (Found in the Marshmallow Stater Pack)

    • STEP 8: Place into mouth

Fake Instructions

    -Tyler Johnson