Best Fun Facts of 2017 (December 31, 2017)

Post date: Jan 01, 2018 5:55:56 AM

The Beginning of Jazz (Wednesday, February 8, 2017)

It was 1564 at one of Mozart's famous concerts. His band was amazing, and it consisted of 300 members. As the concert progressed, Jacob Albert, a trumpet player, realized his music had started on fire. Because of this, he was left with no choice but to play his part from memory. Unfortunately, Jacob never practiced the last song of the concert, Eye of the Gorilla. Because Jacob didn't know what to play, he made over 5,000 mistakes and he even played in the wrong key 300 times. To make matters worse, he followed his teachers advice, "If though makes mistake, make mistake loud!". At the end of the concert, Jacob was fired. However, Thomas Edison happened to be in the audience, and he loved the randomness of Jacob's performance. Edison called Jacob's music J.A.Z.Z, which stands for Jacob Albert's Zoo Zongs (He misspelled song).

Fake History

    -Tyler Johnson

The History of the Trombone (Tuesday, April 11, 2017)

It was in 1438 when the first trombone was invented by a man named Sir Bablerson. As a child, Sir Bablerson did not like music. In fact, he was typically found destroying instruments with his own handcrafted TNT. According to the FFWT Archives, Bablerson destroyed 20 million dollars worth of instruments, 50 billion dollars worth of music, and 30 thousand dollars worth of music stands. In 1437, Sir Bablerson began working on the design of a new instrument, which would be known as The Trombone. In 1438, it was completed, but the public didn't know if they should accept his idea because of his past history. Some people also believed that he created the trombone to ruin music in general. In today's century, the trombone is still widely controversial because of its lack of music abilities, but some still see the trombone as the greatest invention.

Fake History

    -Tyler Johnson

History of Tennis (Tuesday, May 2, 2017)

In 1854, a woman named Tressa Tendra, who lived in Tennessee, won the first Almost National Ping Pong Tournament. Because Tressa enjoyed ping pong so much, she decided to buy her very own ping pong table. As she practiced every day, she realized that ping pong was a really boring sport. To fix this issue, Tressa decided to take ping pong to the next level, by making it bigger. She called this new sport, Tennis. Tennis was played just like ping pong, but 10 times bigger. People loved this new sport and ESPN even aired it on their daily network. Unfortunately this didn't last for long... 5 years later, a new sport was created, which was called Golf. Golf was just like mini golf, except it was about 100 times bigger. As a famous philosopher once said, "Americans like the biggest of the bestest of things", and he was right. Golf became the new sport of America, and Tennis was left abandoned. Tennis was still widely played, and it was still a great sport, but that only lasted until 2006. In 2006, a scientist discovered Pluto was no longer a planet, and if you do the math, that means Tennis is not a sport. Later that year, Golf would become the national sport of the U.S.

Fake History

    -Tyler Johnson

Underwater Basket Weaving (Thursday, August 31, 2017)

It seems in today's Universities, Underwater Basket Weaving is the thing to talk about. It's the elective that everyone talks about, but does not exist. The question is, when did Universities in the U.S stop offering Underwater Basket Weaving. In 1934, the U.S suffered a major Easter Basket shortage, known as The Great Easter Basket Shortage. To fix this, former NFL bench warmer James Coughferson proposed that Universities in the U.S should offer Underwater Basket Weaving as a course. By the year 1940, every University in the U.S was offering Underwater Basket Weaving as an elective, and Yale even let people major in Under Water Basket Weaving.  By the year 1942, The Great Easter Basket Shortage ended and 50% of college students had Underwater Basket Weaving certificates. Unfortunately, in 1956, the construction of Chicken and a Biscuit was completed and caused everyone to lose interest in Underwater Basket Weaving. A year later, famous comedian Kyle Ottoman began to make jokes about the lack of skill in Underwater Basket Weaving. Because Kyle Ottoman was everyone's favorite comedian, everyone began making jokes about Underwater Basket Weaving and Universities were forced to drop the class. Today, Yale is the only college in which you can take Underwater Basket Weaving as an elective.

Fake History

    -Tyler Johnson

Where's the iPhone 9? (Saturday, September 16, 2017)

As we know, Apple had their one big event of the year where they announce that they're actually doing something. During this splendid event they announced the release of two "new" products, the iPhone 8 and the iPhone X (which is pronounced iPhone 10 for those who don't understand Roman numerals). Unfortunately, Apple never tells us everything, and they forgot to tell us what happened to the iPhone 9. Because of this, our FFWT Electronics Research Department had to do some in depth research. If you remember, Windows pulled this same shenanigan on us when they forgot to release Windows 9. We believe this is because 7 ate 9, literally. We came across highly unclassified evidence that showed Windows 7 devoured Windows 9. After Windows 7 became the "wanna be software on the market" it caused Windows 7's ego to grow. A few years later Microsoft decided to release the vulgar Windows 8. At first Windows 7 believed this could take away his long lasting fame. Lucky for him, Windows 8 was the biggest failure on the market and cause Windows 7 to become even more popular. Eventually Microsoft realized they need to fix the accident known as Windows 8, so Bill Gates created Windows 9. Windows 9 was proposed to be the best of the best of software (in the U.S). When Windows 7 heard of this news he knew he needed to stop the update before it was released. So Windows 7 literally ate Windows 9. This caused Bill Gates to become ferocious, so he proposed Windows 10 and forced every computer to download it. Even if you didn't want Windows 10 you had no choice. We also see this same trend with the iPhone. Top secret files in the public domain show that the iPhone 7 ate the iPhone 9. This still leaves us with the question, "why didn't the iPhone 7 eat the iPhone 8?" Turns out the iPhone 8 was just a typical Apple scam to get money (It's actually an iPhone 7, but just with the number 8 on the back). As for the iPhone X, we believe there was some bartering behind the screen. For example, the iPhone X does not include the well known finger print scanner... We believe the iPhone 7 played a part in this.

Fake History

    -Tyler Johnson

Differentiating the Differential (Saturday, October 21, 2017)

Because we all love math, we all love solving derivatives, and if you don't know how to solve a derivative, relate back to Derivative Tips 101 for a free handy tutorial on derivatives. We also all love mechanics and the famous car part known as The Differential. Now to the average uneducated Fun Facts with Tyler reader you're probably already lost. If that's the case, I recommend dropping out of school or quitting your job. Anyways, According to unnamed sources, the Differential is what allows your car to make turns with out the sliding of the inner wheel. This is needed because the outside wheel is traveling a greater distance than the inside wheel. Unfortunately this makes no sense to the general admission in a movie theater, so we decided to differentiate the differential. If we take the first derivative of the outside wheel, we find that its centripetal force, velocity, momentum, and self esteem are higher than that of the inside wheel. Taking the second derivative took some difficulty however... Because of the first derivative, we are left with a -rential, not a "Differential". This makes the second derivative nearly impossible, so we require a second anti derivative to return it to it's state of nature. By this we are left with Diff-Rential+C. Now we can take the second derivative which gives us Rential+C. Based on our results of the second derivative, we discovered that physics is not real... which is not the first time we've proved this theory. To undo the doing, we needed to find the Tangent Line of the second derivative at Pi and divide by 34 (the magic number) which allows us to recreate Physics. Whew, that was fun...

Fake History

    -Tyler Johnson

Green Screens (Saturday, December 2, 2017)

If you ask any Hollywood director they would tell you that green screens are the future. That's because they're cheap, and cheap is good, except they actually are terrible. If you've ever been to a dollar store, you've experienced the definition of cheap. Everything is a dollar, and it's the greatest thing since colored TV! But the moment you walk out of the store everything falls apart. Just like how green screens are great, but they fall apart the moment you walk out the door. FUN FACT: In Star Wars Episode IV the Death Star was never intended to be blown up. It was simply a green screen that fell apart making it appear to explode on camera. So if green screens are like the package of razors you bought a dollar store, then why does Hollywood continue to use them? Because every Hollywood actor has a fear of heights, and using real scenes requires traveling by plane. And we all know if you have a fear of heights, there's no way you're gonna be able to go on a plane. That's why The Hobbit (unlike the Lord of the Rings) was filmed entirely with green screens (not to mention Bilbo Baggins had a major fear of long distance traveling). So although the quality of the film decrease and the acting looks fake along with the excessive amounts of CGI, we all must remember it's for a good cause.

Fake History

    -Tyler Johnson